A Questionable Viewfinder Meeting
by J Unleashed
Summary: Ten different characters from Viewfinder get together to discuss and answer some fan questions. You know it can't possibly be as civilized as it sounds...


. . .

Sakazaki is holding a box. "Gentlemen... I have here in this box, 30 questions submitted by our fans. The way this will work is that each of us will take turns drawing questions from the box. When you draw a paper, you MUST read it out loud directing the question to the appropriate person, who will then answer the question to the best of their ability. Do we all agree to this?"

There is a general murmur of consent.

"Good!" He holds up a smaller box, "You will go in the order in which I draw your names. Sudoh and Aoki's names have been removed, as their behavior from our last meeting caused them to be banned from this one." He draws a name. "The one who will draw out of the box first, is Takaba..."

Takaba jumps up, "YES!"

Sakazaki continues drawing names, "the 2nd is Tao, 3rd is Fei Long, 4th is me- Sakazaki, 5th is Asami, 6th is Kirishima, 7th is Suoh, 8th is Yoh, 9th is Mikhail, and last but not least, the 10th will be Kuroda."

. . .

Takaba picks a folded piece of paper from the box. "First question. This one's for you, Asami: Are you a hygiene freak? Why do we see you in, or just out of the shower so much?"

"Sex is messy," Asami replies.

"Uh, y-yes... that's true," Takaba stammers, "but they have a point. You do take an awful lot of showers."

"Tell me Akihito, do you like seeing me undressed?"

Takaba blushes, "Well... "

"Then don't complain about the number of showers I take."

. . .

"My turn next!" Tao picks from the box. "For Takaba: Have you ever had to run from the cops?"

"No. I'm a law-abiding citizen," Takaba eyes Asami, "unlike SOME people I know!"

Kirishima places a briefcase on the table and opens it. "I have a copy of Takaba's police record... "

Takaba reaches over and slams Kirishima's briefcase shut. "Nobody's interested," Takaba glares at him.

. . .

Fei Long draws a slip of paper. "This is for both Kirishima and Suoh: How did you two come to work for Asami?"

Kirishima answers first. "Asami-sama hired me because he knew I was qualified to do the job."

"I think they're trying to ask, how did you and Asami meet?" Fei Long prompts him.

"Asami-sama asked me if I would be interested in working for him. Naturally, I said yes," Kirishima answers again.

"Yes, but EXACTLY how did you two...?" Fei Long asks.

Kirishima replies, irritated, "The question was: How did I come to work for Asami? I've already answered that."

"Suoh?" Fei Long turns to him.

Suoh replies, "Same as Kirishima. The Boss made me an offer I couldn't refuse... " He breaks out in a huge grin.

"Suoh... " Kirishima gives Suoh a look of warning.

. . .

"My turn," Sakazaki picks out a slip of paper. "Ooh, here's a good one! Takaba: Would you like to top Asami?"

"Yeah!" Takaba beams at Asami.

"Keep dreaming, Akihito," Asami replies.

. . .

Asami draws the next question. "Kirishima and Suoh: What did you do before you worked for me?"

"I was a, uh... security at a club," Suoh answers.

"I had a similar job to the one I have now," Kirishima replies. "Only this time my boss is more capable." Kirishima bows his head toward Asami.

Suoh does the same. "Yeah, there's no better boss."

. . .

Kirishima draws a question. "Mikhail: How tall are you?"

"I'm 180 cm," Mikhail answers.

"No you're not," Fei Long frowns. "That would make you taller than me."

"I AM taller than you."

"Stand up, please," Fei Long requests. The two stand side-by-side, facing Kirishima.

"Mikhail's taller by a centimeter," Kirishima announces.

Fei Long sits back down and grumbles, "It's his shoes. They probably have extra height built into them, or something."

. . .

Suoh pulls the next question. "For Takaba: Why do you waste your talent photographing criminals?"

"Oh!" Takaba answers, excitedly. "You don't know the feeling you get while you're waiting to catch a criminal in the act! The suspense of the stake-out, waiting for that THRILLING moment that you'll be able to sweetly savor, and then... "

Asami lights a cigarette. "And this is why he usually misses catching his target in the act. He's too busy savoring the moment."

"I don't remember hearing your name mentioned in the question, Asami... so stay out of it!" Takaba snaps.

. . .

Yoh picks next. "Takaba: Can you stop getting raped?"

Takaba frowns, "Wait, let me see that paper... "

Yoh hands it to him, and Takaba looks at it. "TAO! This is YOUR handwriting, you little BRAT!"

. . .

Mikhail takes a question from the box. "Takaba: Can you dominate Asami and get on top?"

Takaba nods, "I'm working on it."

Asami looks at Takaba, "It will never happen."

"Oh, you just wait... "

"NEVER," Asami replies sternly.

. . .

Kuroda picks out a paper. "For Fei Long: If you could turn back time, would you have pounced on Asami to make him go all the way with you?"

"You mean 7 years ago?" Fei Long thinks, "Back then, my life was in turmoil... but had it NOT been, I certainly would have... "

"It was never going to happen," Asami responds.

Fei Long smirks, "Oh, if I had been serious about it, it most definitely would have!"

"Maybe you should consider cutting down on your opium consumption."

Fei Long smirks, "Don't forget, I know what you were like when you were 28 years old. At that time, you weren't turning down many women... OR men for that matter... "

Asami grabs the box and hands it to Takaba. "Let's move on to the next question."

. . .

Takaba picks a question. "For Sakazaki: wait... I'm not reading this!"

"You know the rules," Sakazaki says.

"Read it!" Tao yells.

Asami nods, "You did agree to read the question."

"For Sakazaki..." Takaba growls at Sakazaki, "This is from a FAN, got it?! You look very... " Takaba gags slightly, "... huggable. Can I have a hug?"

"Sure!" Sakazaki opens his arms wide and grins at Takaba. "Come here... "

"You touch him, and I'll rip out that ridiculous goatee of yours by the roots," Asami glares menacingly.

"It was a joke. Don't you guys ever joke around?" Sakazaki cringes from the glare. "Ehh... I guess not."

. . .

Tao takes a slip of paper from the box. "Asami: Why don't you try wearing jeans for a change?"

"It's not my style," Asami answers.

"I'd like to see you in jeans," Takaba looks at him hopefully.

Asami leers at Takaba, "I'd like to see you naked, tied up, and wrapped in... "

"You know who's difficult to picture wearing jeans?" Mikhail interrupts. "Fei Long."

Asami gives him a withering look.

"Seriously," Mikhail replies. "Try to imagine it. You can't... can you?"

. . .

Fei Long picks next. "For Asami: Where did you learn all the S/M stuff?"

"Would you like me to direct you to a specific website, Fei Long?" Asami smirks.

Fei Long gasps, "I did not ask this!"

"Sure, you didn't."

Fei Long looks at the paper. "This is definitely NOT my handwriting! It looks like... " He glances at Mikhail.

"Yes, I wrote it," Mikhail shrugs. "So, shoot me."

Fei long growls at Mikhail, "Don't tempt me."

. . .

Sakazaki takes the next turn. "For Kirishima and Suoh: Do you two get paid over minimum wage?"

Kirishima answers, "We are both salarymen, so we receive better pay than an hourly worker would."

"MUCH better," Suoh agrees.

. . .

Asami looks at the next question and then throws it down. "I'm not asking this."

"YOU agreed to play by the rules... remember?" Takaba smirks.

Asami sighs and picks up the paper. "Fei Long: How do you keep your hair silky smooth?"

Fei Longs twirls a long lock of hair with his fingers. "I never use soap, shampoo, or any commercial products on my hair. I do an oil cleanse that contains some infused herbs and spices, and a few drops of essential oils for fragrance. Tao can answer any questions about it, since he's the one who attends to my hair."

"I don't feel like it," Tao pouts. "Tell them they can go Google it themselves."

"You really do act like a woman," Asami rolls his eyes at Fei Long.

"Says the man who spends time in front of the mirror, painstakingly applying gel to his hair," Fei Long retorts.

. . .

Kirishima picks out a paper. "For you, Yoh: What are you doing with your life?"

"I've been working in a small Chinese restaurant as a cook and... " Yoh looks down. "Nothing. I'm doing nothing with my life. Thanks for pointing that out. Now I'm depressed."

. . .

Suoh asks the next question. "For Mikhail: Do you have nothing better to do than to piss-off Fei Long and Asami? Why? Just... why?"

Mikhail smiles, "I haven't even gotten started yet. You just wait... "

. . .

Yoh picks a paper out of the box. "For Yoh... uh, me: Did you ever drop the soap in the showers while in prison?"

He frowns at Tao. "You know I can recognize your handwriting, Tao."

Yoh turns to Fei Long, "With all due respect, Master Fei Long, you really need to rein that kid in."

. . .

Mikhail pulls out a slip of paper. "Asami: Does the _size_ of your car mean you are compensating for something? Heh, heh!"

Asami narrows his eyes at Mikhail. "The way you asked that question, is there something you are trying to suggest?"

"Well, you know... Russian cars are BIGGER than Japanese cars. I'm just saying." Mikhail shrugs.

Asami puts his cigarette out. "No, they're not."

"Yes they are," Mikhail argues. "Look it up."

"For your information," Asami replies, "Japanese cars are more reliable. They last longer."

"Russian cars have more power!" Mikhail growls.

"Not if you can't get them started," Asami smirks.

Kuroda coughs loudly and grabs the box.

. . .

Kuroda asks the next question. "This is for Yoh: How does it feel literally being thrown around? You work for one person one day... another person the next."

Yoh puts his head down on the table. "Thank you for bringing up such a painful subject."

"I'm sorry. Oh, there's also a P.S. at the bottom: And don't let Mikhail get Fei Long."

Yoh lifts his head and glares at Mikhail.

"Why does everybody hate me?" Mikhail protests. "What did I EVER do to deserve this?"

Mikhail quickly turns to Asami, "Don't answer that!"

. . .

"My turn again!" Takaba picks a question. "Question for Kuroda: How come you're so friendly with Asami?"

Kuroda looks at Takaba, "Are you worried?"

Takaba waves the slip of paper at him. "I'm not the one asking this!"

"You don't have anything to worry about." Kuroda smiles mischievously, "Although... "

Asami interrupts him, "You'll just cause me more trouble if you tease him like that."

"I think he's tough enough to take a little bit teasing, Ryuichi."

"He... he just called you... by your first name... " Takaba stammers at Asami.

"Oh. I see what you mean. Sorry, Ryuichi," Kuroda apologizes.

"Ah ahhhh... !" Takaba chokes.

. . .

Tao picks a question. "This one is for Sumo and Kirishima... "

"It's SUOH. Suoh Kazumi. And we're not going to answer ANY questions about the Boss. Got it?"

"Suoh and Kirishima: What kind of job do you two do?"

Kirishima answers, "I am an Executive Administrative Assistant and I supervise all other employees, including Suoh here. My job duties include bookkeeping, typing up reports, scheduling meetings and appointments... "

Suoh adds, "I can pretty much do all of those jobs, too."

"Just not as well as me," Kirishima smiles.

Suoh nods, "Kirishima is an office GENIUS, but I'm also in charge of security, and nobody... not even Kirishima, is as good at it as me."

"Yes, Suoh is an EXCELLENT security man," Kirishima agrees.

"Oh for fuck's sake... get a ROOM, you two!" Mikhail replies exasperated.

. . .

Fei Long draws out of the box. "Here's another for Kirishima and Suoh: Do you two ever get a vacation?"

Suoh turns to Kirishima, "What's a "vacation"?"

Kirishima shrugs.

. . .

Sakazaki asks the next question. "Mikhail: Do you prefer women or men?"

"My preference is women. Which is why I'm attracted to Fei here... "

"I really am going to shoot you!" Fei Long growls.

. . .

Asami pulls out a slip of paper and reads. "For Asami: Have you ever been in love?"

Takaba places his elbows on the table and rests his chin on top of his folded hands, while smirking at Asami.

Asami smirks back at Takaba, while slowly and deliberately tearing up the paper.

. . .

Kirishima draws from the box. "Oh no... Suoh: What do you think about fluffy little kitties?"

"I have two right now, but I'm thinking about getting another. Here, let me show you a picture I took of it at the pet shop ... " He pulls a cell phone out of his pocket.

"Suoh... " Kirishima glares.

Suoh puts the phone back in his pocket. "Sorry."

. . .

Suoh picks a question. "For Asami-sama: Could I try punching you to see if you'd feel it?" Suoh cracks a smile.

Asami glares at him. "No."

"Heh, you realize this is from a little fan-... ah, never mind."

. . .

Yoh picks from the box. "Takaba: Have you ever been in a homosexual relationship before Asami, or was Asami the first man to awaken your desires in that way?"

"Wha... what kind of question is THAT?!" Takaba turns red. "Never. I... I've NEVER!"

EVERYBODY in the room responds, "Yes, you have!"

. . .

Mikhail reaches into the box and asks the next question. "This is for Asami: How does it feel to be in bed with Akihito?"

Asami frowns and reaches for the paper. "Let me see that paper... "

"Did anyone just hear a noise outside? I'll go check..." Sakazaki bolts out of the room.

. . .

Kuroda pulls the last paper from the box. "Kirishima and Suoh: You two seem like you're kind of close for colleagues. Do you ever socialize together outside of work?"

Kirishima answers, "No."

"No," Suoh agrees.

"No," Kirishima shakes his head, "we don't have the time for that."

Suoh nods his head, "Sometimes we do."

Kirishima turns to Suoh, "No, not really."

Suoh smiles, "Hey... remember that time in Brazil?"

"No." Kirishima pushes his glasses up, but a slight smile can be seen from under his hand.

. . .

_A special THANK YOU to everyone who submitted questions. I may do this again, if requested. Anyone is invited to ask a question. The more interesting the question, the better chance it will be used. Don't forget the minor characters! Questions about Asami's history, in all likelihood, will be ignored by him. Be aware that any future questions that are chosen to be used may be twisted in a way to suit my own agenda ;)_

_ J_


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